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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26446636">Never Lose You</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/jilytho/pseuds/jilytho'>jilytho</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Based on a Taylor Swift Song, F/M, james and lily reunion, meet in a bar after years</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 05:54:43</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>6,022</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26446636</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/jilytho/pseuds/jilytho</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Lily and James meet again after 5 years in a bar. Too much history has happened but too many feelings remain. Loosely inspired by Cornelia Street by Taylor Swift because she is everything. 2 chapter</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>James Potter/Lily Evans Potter</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>84</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Dive Bar on the East Side</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>A wave of sticky, hot air washed over Lily as she entered the crowded bar. Half of her immediately wanted to turn around, but the promise of alcohol and Marlene’s pushy hand on her back gave her the courage to keep moving through the sweaty people. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alice had texted that she’d already secured them a table in the far right corner, and Lily could see her waving excitedly at them now from where she stood. She pushed through and jumped into Alice’s open arms for a hug. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Emma was sitting on the other side of the table already and pushed a drink across the table to her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Drink up, ladies,” Emma grinned at Lily and Marlene, “Alice and I have been here for an hour already. You’ve got some catching up to do!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The girls passed the next hour and a half laughing and chatting, catching up on their recent lives, and reminiscing on their Hogwarts years together. They saw each other as often as they could, but it had gotten harder after school and not being around each other constantly. They moved in all together immediately after school but soon enough Alice left them to go move in with her boyfriend, Frank. Emma left soon after to attend grad school, and that left Marlene and Lily. Both worked within a few blocks of their shared apartment, a small, cute, barely in price range 2 bedroom that they decorated with thrifted furniture and empty wine bottles. The bar they were at now, The Griffyn, had become their go to spot to catch up with the girls. Close enough to walk back home on a nice night, with cheap enough drinks, and the most limited amount of creeps to hit on them. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It had been a painful, long day to end a painful, long week at work where the problems just never seemed to end. Usually Lily would refuse to go out or leave her couch after a week like that. She felt the best way to solve those weeks would be to turn on a good Criminal Minds binge and survive off of takeaway for the weekend. Tonight, however, the weather was warm for the first time in weeks, and Lily had missed her friends. She knew she needed to go out so she came home, showered, put her makeup on as if it was her own form of war paint, and headed out, choosing that she would have fun tonight. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It seemed this was even better medicine than Criminal Minds and Derek Morgan's beautiful figure because Lily’s stomach was quickly hurting with how hard she was laughing. Alice was telling a very animated work story about some idiot co worker and causing Lily’s drink to come out through her nose as tears streamed down her face in laughter. She felt light, pure joy, and happiness wash over her, surely from an equal combination of her drinks as well as her company. Noticing now that her cup was empty, Lily insisted on buying the next round and leaping up from their table towards the bar, blowing kisses over her shoulder back at the table as Marlene called out “My hero!” to her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lily was still laughing when she got close to the bar. There was a group of four boys, tall and broad shouldered, standing right in her way of accessing the bar. Unsure of how to get around them, Lily quipped out a “S’cuse me, gents'' as she slipped directly in between the two closest ones, cutting under the arm of one with long, black hair. Their conversation seemed to halt at the girl weaving through them, and Lily heard them begin to speak in hushed tones while her back ws to them but she couldn’t convince herself to be bothered. Instead she focused on flagging down the bartender. He was preoccupied down at the other end of the bar with a Bachelorette Party so Lily resigned herself to waiting for a few minutes until he could come deal with her, and leaned up against the bar, twiddling her fingers. She was scanning up and down the others leaning on the bar, seeing if she recognized any other regulars, when she felt a tapping on her shoulder. “Evans?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lily whipped around at this mystery stranger knowing her name and she was met with shocked, hazel and sparkling eyes. “Potter?” She whispered back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It really is Evans! At a bar! Who would have thought!” The second voice shocked Lily and she tore her eyes off of Potters, to reassess the others with him. Sirius, who turned out to be the second speaker, was standing next to James, eyes filled with mischief and mirth, just as she remembered them. Peter and Remus were there as well, the latter smiling brightly at her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sirius Black, I would say it's been too long but ah… still not sure it's been quite long enough,” Lily shot back at him, with a teasing smile. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh Evans,” Sirius reached out and ruffled her hair, “I have missed you!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lily pushed his hand out of her hair with a laugh and leaned around to hug Remus, who she’d always gotten along well with at school, and give an awkward one arm hug to Peter, who she never talked to quite enough at school to properly know. After they unlatched she turned back and James caught her eye. She hadn’t seen him since a week after graduation, at Emmeline Vance’s graduation party. The gold in his eyes brought her right back to that rooftop they sat on and her breath hitched in her throat. She could tell he was there too until he snapped out of it and his eyes turned from molten back to guarded and black. Exactly the guarded look he had that night when she rejected him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“All right, Evans?” There was her Potter. With his roguish grin that she used to hate and then she didn’t, which scared her more than anything. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright, Potter,” she grinned back at him and walked right into his open arms for a hug. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He smelled good. Like real good. Like manly and home and she resisted the urge to curl her fingers into his shirt and purr like a cat. Letting go of him after a respectable amount of time for a friend hug was hard. She didn’t want to give him friend hugs. She wanted him to hold her and wrap her up like he did when she was shivering from the wind that night. When he would so casually drop a kiss onto the top of her head. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It took them a full year of being heads together and friends to reach that level of comfort and it took months of being that comfortable, for him to convince himself he wasn’t just seeing things, and to work up the courage to kiss her. And for her to kiss him. And then all those days, weeks, months of work came tumbling down because of her and her fears of starting something so new and real when she was just starting her life and leaving. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She knew that James was special, that her and James together would be </span>
  <em>
    <span>special </span>
  </em>
  <span>and powerful and would be so damn good. But she also knew that if she was going to be with him, it was going to be deep, and real, and probably forever. And as a brand new graduate, forever was far and scary, and she was a coward who rejected him without explaining any of her fears. If she just told him, just explained, he would have talked her out of it immediately. But she didn’t. And so he left her on that rooftop and she was too much of a coward to go after him. Or to track him down or keep touch and now here she was five years later, alone, and unable to be with anyone else because nobody else was </span>
  <em>
    <span>him.</span>
  </em>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“You here alone, Evans? Scoping the crowd out for eligible young bachelors?” Sirius waggled his eyebrows at her, scoping out the crowd.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mhm yes, Sirius I frequently spend my evenings in bars alone to pick up eligible bachelors. You wanna be my boy for the night?” She teased back, “Just kidding, I haven’t stooped low enough to be interested in you, yet. Marlene, Emma, and Alice are all back there,” she stood on her tiptoes to point at the table. “I’m getting drinks for everyone but you guys should come join us!” she couldn’t help her eyes from sticking to James at the invitation. His cheeks colored when they made eye contact, and his hand immediately went to ruffle his hair as he nodded. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Remus helped her flag down the bartender, being much taller and after collecting their drinks they headed over to the table, the boys carrying her drinks for her, as well as their own. With her hands free and James’ eyes on her she felt extremely aware of where her arms were and how much they were swinging as she walked back to their table. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Look who I found!” Lily announces to the table, interrupting Alice mid sentence. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The girls all jumped up to hug their newcomers and Alice stole two chairs from a nearby table so they could all squish in. Naturally, Lily ended up right next to James, smushed up all alongside him.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Isn’t this perfect. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Lily spent the next hour sitting there, with her right side pressed up against James, brushing up against him even more every time she lifted her glass to take a drink, pretending she didn’t notice. He should have smelled like sweat, all squashed up as he was, but of course he just smelled like cologne. Cologne that she wanted to bathe in. She also spent that hour pretending that she wasn’t watching his jawline whenever he swallowed, his cheekbones everytime he laughed, his throat everytime a stray drop of beer ran down him. She had to look away when she started to seriously consider leaning over to lick it off. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Marlene and Sirius were hilarious to watch and listen to as they bantered back and forth, barely stopping to let anyone else get a word in. She was sitting there just watching them and laughing when she felt James shift in his seat and couldn't focus on anything else as his head dipped down and leaned closer to her ear. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So,” he whispered into her ear, hot breath washing over her as she gulped. “How have you been?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She whipped her head around the table to see if anyone had seen or if there was any chance someone else heard, but saw them all still absorbed in Peter’s missing pet rat story. She chanced a look back at him and saw his face so close to hers, she couldn’t look away. “Good! Busy!” she swallowed hard and looked away. “I started working at a NonProfit a few months after graduation and have been there since.” Work talk was safe. Work talk meant no feelings. “How about you? Did you end up working with your dad?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, eventually. I held out for a little bit, put my accounting degree to use at another firm but he pulled me over to Speakeasy about a year and a half ago to be their in house accountant. It's been good. Better than I thought at least,” he smiled uneasily. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She gripped her drink tightly and smiled softly back at him, “Good. That’s good! I’m happy for you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, thanks. I’m happy for you too.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was awkward and slightly uncomfortable, but it felt like that was the necessary talk to open the floodgates and Lily felt her whole body relax. Maybe that meant they would be ok, they could recover and be like they used to or be even better. They could have their fresh start. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>After that Lily joined the group conversation, as did James. They laughed and chatted and teased and filled in the blanks of the years lost but quickly came back to their fun, light banter as if no time had passed. The years apart faded away as each drink was finished and before long he was </span>
  <em>
    <span>her James </span>
  </em>
  <span>again. It became natural to shove his side when he made a cheeky comment, not at all weird when he grabbed her to give her a noogie, or when she stole his drink to take a drag. They were back and together and one again. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sirius got the next round, then James, then Remus, each time Lily or Alice fighting them to let them buy it but “we crashed your girls night. It’s only right!” James shot back every time with a wink always directed right at Lily, which she always responded to with a fierce blush. Marlene was smirking at her and Lily was half refusing to make eye contact, half smirking right back as she realized she didn’t care if Marlene teased her when it felt so. damn. good. Sitting with him, laughing with him, just being around him. She felt like she had come back to life without even knowing she had stopped living. Each laugh felt louder, breath deeper, drink stronger. She liked it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The bar had begun to clear out until they were one of the last remaining tables. “Let’s go, drunkies” Alice had stood from the table and was attempting to pull Sirius up from the bench, as he responded with dead weight refusal to move. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Aliiiiiiice,” he groaned, face down, “we can’t let the party die already!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Who said anything about it dying?” Marlene smirked at him, “Let’s go, Lily and I live a block from here. We can party all night long.” Sirius gave a whoop and leaped up from the table, tackling Alice. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That okay, Lily? You don’t have to get up early for work or anything, do you?” James looked at her earnestly, rubbing the back of his neck, something that looked a lot like hope or fear glimmering in his eyes. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She smiled softly back. “Of course. Not going to let this night die so easily.” He broke out into a wide grin then and hers quickly matched his, standing at the edge of the table, staring at each other, smiling like idiots. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ehm, s’cuse me,” Peter squeaked out from the table Lily was blocking him from leaving. Their little bubble broke as she mumbled out an apology and stepped away to let him out, whole face lighting up in blush. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“C’mon, Evans” James had walked a few tables ahead and stood there waiting for her to catch up. All the others had walked on. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They caught up quickly but stayed a few paces behind the others as they emerged onto the street to have the cold air wash over them. She barely had time to curse herself for forgetting her jacket back at home when his was wrapped around her shoulders. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It smelled just like him. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Yep, I’m done for. </span>
  </em>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Invisible String</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>By the time they had climbed the three flights of stairs up to their apartment, Sirius dramatically pretending to gasp for air by the top, all the feelings had completely rushed back to her. Despite the time separated, and the awkwardness of their last conversation, she was quickly remembering why James was one of her favorite people in the world. She never could forget that smile, the way his lips were quirked permanently on the edge of laughter or a quick joke. Remembered how he and his friends had their own secret language and world, but made sure their other friends were never excluded. Always with a finger on her back, a wink shot her way.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Marlene and Lily went straight to the kitchen to gather beers and solo cups and some vodka for Alice. They worked as a team, efficient and quick, finding mismatched large mixing bowls to pour some slightly stale tortilla chips in with some salsa.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>In the small living room, Alice had quickly put the boys to work, instructing them to scour the apartment for other seating options they could cram into the tiny living room to make a circle around the coffee table. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sirius and Remus made quick work of Marlene’s room, grabbing her extra throw blankets and pillows from her bed to toss about the living room floor and give someone something to sit on. Sirius found ‘the armchair’ that Marlene had found in the alley across the street and threw all of the clothes and makeup piled on top of it onto Marlene's bed. He dragged it out into the living room before throwing himself into it sideways, tossing his legs over the arm of it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Remus, too, tossed out the beanbag chair from Mar’s room and promptly launched himself onto it, claiming it for the night. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lily and Mar loaded up the coffee table with their various drinks and snacks. Right as she was about to settle herself on the couch Marlene interrupted her actions, “Lily-love, could you grab a deck of playing cards from your room? Just in case we want to play Kings or something,” Marlene's smirk was met by a chorus of agreement from the boys, so Lily dragged herself into her room. Yanking off her heels as she walked down the hall, she immediately launched them into the corner of her room containing her closet without looking and planned to go right to her bedside table when a deep voice let out a “Bloody Hell Evans!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lily promptly shrieked and whipped around, hand over her heart, to spot James clutching one of her heels in the corner of her room, the other laying a foot to the left of him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Watch where you toss these things, Lily! They’ve got spikes!” James huffed indignantly, waving the heel of the shoe at her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“In case you hadn’t noticed James,” Lily started, hands immediately finding on her hips, “this is my bloody room! I can throw my shoes wherever I bloody well please! What are you doing in here?” Lily tried to sound angry or annoyed but really it just sounded a bit breathless. Her heart was pounding way too fast and while she’d like to blame the fright he gave her, she figured it actually had much more to do with the boy in her room. And the bed separating them. The big bed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>James seemed to realize how incriminating it was for him to be just standing there, in her bedroom, where she kept her underthings, clutching her shoe. His hand immediately shot to his hair, a strong blush following it up his neck. “Alice told me to come look for a chair or cushion or erm something. I got a tad distracted by your erm photos and things,” he gestured to the wall of pictures Lily had covering the wall behind her bed. She noticed him looking particularly at one photo in the bottom left corner. A picture of them, all snuggled up laughing. In the photo, Lily was looking ahead towards the camera, eyes closed as she laughed raucously. James, on the other hand, had been staring right at her. Even in the picture, you could see the sparkle in his eyes. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh of course.” Lily stepped closer to the photos, abandoning her search for the cards. “Makes me happy to see them all when I come back from work. Do you remember this one?” She pointed towards a photo in the dead center, “Right after the championship match before that wild party, right?” James laughed as he leaned closer.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She wouldn’t tell him but it was her favorite picture on the whole wall, showing Lily tightly pulled under James’ arm, smashed in between him and Sirius grinning wildly, red and gold facepaint covering her face while Marlene clung to Sirius’ back mid laugh, waving the championship trophy overhead. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That was a great day. Remember when Sirius broke that table trying to do a cartwheel and almost landed in the fire?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She could have spent the whole night there, reminiscing about their stupid mates and telling new stories as James pointed to picture after picture, asking the stories. She told him all about the photo of her and dad surrounded by alpacas, about the tiny little chubby baby, who she had to assure James that it was not her illegitimate child, but rather Petunia’s new baby boy. “Dudley Dursley, isn’t it horrific? I mean give the boy a chance!” He laughed so hard that he felt his face becoming red and his cheeks hurting as she explained the one of Marlene and her on a boat in Greece, where her skin was painfully bright red because the wind had blown away her floppy hat so she had to spend the rest of the boat ride painfully sunburnt. </span>
</p><p>
  <span> She hadn’t even noticed that as they spoke and laughed they both moved from standing to sitting on opposite sides of the bed, facing the photos. And then slowly turned to now face each other. Still on opposite sides of the bed, but closer now, much closer. Close enough that she could smell him, feel the way his laugh vibrated. She felt electric being this close to him, and if she had thought it through she undoubtedly would have jumped up and moved further away, but she couldn’t do that when it felt so undeniably natural to be sitting here laughing with him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He was in the middle of telling her about the time him and the boys had their own exploits in Greece, including waking up after a long night to find Sirius asleep on the balcony surrounded by 16 cats, when Alice burst into the room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Lily, did you get lost? What is taking so long-” Lily and James both shot off of the bed in different directions as Alice walked in and took in the scene before her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay then. See you guys out there.” Alice nodded calmly and walked right back out of the room. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I guess we should-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, probably.” James had his hand back in his hair ruffling again and started to leave the room. Lily stared after him for a second before clearing her throat and digging through her bedside table for the card deck. Right as she was leaving, she noticed his jacket still around her. She shrugged out of it, folding it lightly but not quite ready to give it back to him. She left it on her bed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When she reentered the living room, cards in hand, she saw that Peter had stolen her seat on the couch, leaving the only open space being on a pillow, on the ground, next to James. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He nodded at her awkwardly and took a large gulp from his cup as she lowered herself carefully onto the pillow next to him, careful to keep all of her limbs to her regulated area. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She reached out for a beer of her own and took a long drink. Marlene tried to catch Lily’s eye but when she only saw the underside of her cup instead, she quickly understood it would be a discussion for later instead. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay! So! The game is Kings! If you’ve never played-” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“McKinnon, no!” Sirius interrupted, “I want to play never have I ever!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sirius, you lose Never Have I Ever every single time. You’ve done everything. Shut up and listen,” James retorted, throwing a chip at Sirius who caught it and ate it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s because I’ll try anything once,” he said wolfishly, giving Alice an exaggerated wink. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>As the night went on, the drinks and laughs continued to flow and Lily’s strict personal space slowly shifted as she traveled into the neutral territory between them. But then at some point, James had shifted so he was lying on his stomach, with just his elbows on the pillow and his head in his hands, and Lily had shifted slightly so she was lying sideways now along her pillow and really the easiest place for her feet to rest was on James’s back. And really, when he complained that they smelled and she was infiltrating his space with disgusting feet, the only thing that made any sense to do was to leap on top of his back- “Infiltrate your space? I’ll show you infiltrated!”- and then as she lied there on top of his back, full weight on him, she realized just how poorly of an idea this was. It would have been much worse if he had been facing up because then she’d have to stare at his face, but this was also worse because now she was left with her head practically in his hair and oh my god why does it smell so good? What 20 something year old boy has hair and body that somehow smells like peppermint and cinnamon and </span>
  <em>
    <span>delicious? </span>
  </em>
  <span>And as if the smell of him wasn’t enough, just from pressing along his back she could feel how hard his body had become. Strong and toned. Gone was any of the former squish teenagers had. This was the body of a man and dear god that was terrifying. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Right as she was contemplating the least awkward way to remove herself from his person Sirius FLEW on top of her as well, making both James and Lily groan, screaming “DOG-PILE”. Marlene quickly followed Sirius’ lead and soon Lily was completely and utterly trapped, smushed with her face lying straight in James’ delicious peppermint/cinnamon/something combo hair and having her person and front bits all smushed alongside his back. She wondered if he could feel her thundering heart against his back. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sirius, you oaf! Get off of me before I vomit all over you all!” Lily shrieked. James grunted in agreement. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eventually, they all climbed off and Lily slowly was able to roll off of James, now lying alongside him, facing the sky while both her and James stretched out the kinks. “Well, that was fun,” James groaned turning his head to look at Lily, who was still staring at the ceiling.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lily hummed in agreement, refusing to meet his eyes, knowing that they’d be warm and golden hazel and beautiful and be far too much for her to handle after being reminded what he smelled and felt like. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Lily?” he questioned quietly, while all the others continued to refill their drinks and settle back in, still laughing at Sirius. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She gulped and turned her head to meet his eye, surprised at how close they still were, barely two inches between them. She could feel his warm breath on her face and the depth of emotion immediately took her breath away. Hazel eyes filled with warmth but not light, no they were quickly becoming pitch black and full of something else. Lust or passion, heat, something, but whatever it was, Lily was quite sure her eyes matched his. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She held his gaze evenly, completely tuning out all of the other voices around them, as they lied there, breathing heavily. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Lily,” he whispered, voice laden with want and fear. The want part scared her the most and she tore her gaze away from his, to look back up at the ceiling. The ceiling that was now spinning. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Oh god. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>She took a deep breath and pulled herself so she was sitting up, James twisting around to do the same, looking at her like he was afraid of her. Like she was a delicate bird that would fly away at the first sign of movement. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Lily,” he spoke again, cautiously. She looked at him for a moment, unable to make any words come out before jumping up. </span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>“Um, bathroom.” She explained to Mar when they all looked at her in alarm as she stood up. The girls nodded slowly like they understood something else was going on. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lily stood there for a moment, taking in the room around her. Peter was now asleep in the corner of the couch, snoring lightly with his mouth open, while Remus seemed to be making a game of trying to throw pieces of chips into his open mouth. Sirius lazed still in his armchair, drink in hand, head hanging off the opposite side of the chair. And James, sweet, good James. Sitting there, watching her desperately.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She turned on her heel and walked in the opposite direction of the bathroom but instead to the small balcony off the kitchen. It was barely big enough to squeeze two little chairs but it was Marlene and Lily’s favorite part of the whole apartment. Coffee or wine on those little chairs were their favorite ways to pass any weekend. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Now, Lily walked out and leaned up against the railing, looking down at the street below. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What are you doing, what are you doing, what are you doing?” she whispered fiercely to herself, running her hands across her face, before pulling at her hair, whipping it quickly into a ponytail. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She didn’t hear the sound of the door sliding open, but she heard it close, and instantly knew who it would be. Of course he would follow her out here. He always followed her, always knew. How could he still know her like that, after all this time? </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“James,” she whispered. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, Lils.” He said it casually, with a kind of lightness that Lily envied. Clearly he was not as affected by her because she knew she couldn’t match that level of lowkey. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>With a deep breath, she turned around to face him and found him leaning against the door, watching her. His posture was casual and calm, but she saw something else in his eyes entirely. Some forced guard hiding the emotions he usually left in plain sight. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why’d you come out here, James?” Despite any attempts at casualness, her voice came out as nothing less than desperate.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why did you, Lily?” He sounded like he was trying very hard to not shout the words at her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don't know,” she looked down, “I don’t know anything anymore. The room was getting hot and uncomfortable, I just needed… air I guess” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s exactly what you told me you needed that night.” he sounded less angry, more defeated. “You asked me to come get some air with you, that the party was getting too ‘hot, busy, and uncomfortable’ so I took you to the roof to look at the stars.” Now James was the one refusing to meet her eyes. Staring pointedly at something behind her left shoulder. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I remember,” she whispered, “James, that night. I am so sorry.” the words were pouring out of her now, desperately trying to escape and explain what she’d been trying to figure out for the past five years. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“James, you meant so much to me. Mean so much to me. I was just… scared,” she explained pathetically, feeling vulnerable and weak. He searched her face with his eyes and she wrapped her arms around herself, trying to hold herself together. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Scared of what, Lily? Me? You know I would never hurt you. You meant </span>
  <em>
    <span>everything</span>
  </em>
  <span> to me. And I thought we were finally in the same place, finally in a place where we could admit that, without the pressure and expectations of school and then you just, rejected me. Rejected me without an explanation or reason or a backward glance you just… left. You left me alone up there.” There was no anger left in his voice, just hurt and pain. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She couldn’t stand to see that pain in his eyes, knowing she had caused it. She took a step forward, reaching out an arm to his shoulder and then quickly bringing it back to her side without touching him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You meant everything to me too, James, you did! You still do! I just wasn’t ready. I could handle the pressure at school, but I couldn’t handle that in the world. We were just kids! I wanted you, of course I wanted you, but I didn’t think I could start something when we were just starting out on our own,” she was speaking fast, rushing to make him understand, “I was so scared, James. We were going to be starting new lives and I knew you deserved better than me but I couldn’t take it. I was being stupid. I was stupid and scared and I blamed it on you and I am so sorry James, I would take it all back if I could. I was so stupid” she reached out for him now, gripping one of his hands between both of hers.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What about after?” he whispered urgently, still looking at her with such intensity. “Why did it take so long and a random run in at a bar to make you tell me this?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don't know, I assumed you moved on. I thought you might not want to see me, I was just scared and embarrassed that I ever pushed you away. But James, I am so happy I ran into you. I am so happy you came into that dive bar, whatever drew you there. It was inevitable and I am so sorry I ever did anything to stop it.” She reached one of her hands around the back of his head, fiddling with the hair at the nape of his neck, keeping his eyes level with hers. She felt her stomach flip as some of the guardedness leaked out, leaving behind so much emotion to show. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She knew whatever happened, whatever he said, she would never be the same. She couldn’t lose him again, she would never be able to go back to that bar. To look at his picture again. This would be the heartbreak time would never mend. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Lily,” he brought the hand not holding hers up to wrap around her neck, thumb caressing her cheek. “If this is going to happen, you need to know that this is for good. I am not letting you walk away again.” He stared into her eyes honestly, looking for any hesitancy. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There’s nowhere I’d want to go,” was all Lily could whisper before she pulled his head down and reached up to meet his lips in the middle. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They kissed softly for half a second before it turned hungry, passionate, strong, and utterly mind robbing. James was quick to switch their positions and hold her up against the door, pressing into her with all of his weight. She pulled him down harder, loving the feel of him against her, the smell of him, the feel of his hair in between her fingers.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He groaned her name out as she pulled at his hair, which she responded to by nipping lightly at his lower lip. He reached an arm around her lower back to pull her in closer, holding her up as he began to travel, down her neck. Kisses punishing and powerful and so </span>
  <em>
    <span>James. </span>
  </em>
  <span>With him working on her pulse points she was left to pull at his hair and whisper his name heatedly, about to yank his mouth back to hers by his hair-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, well, well,” Sirius yanked the door to the balcony open, “what do we have here?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>James yanked his head away from hers to look at their intruder, but continued to hold her up against him as he shot the finger towards Sirius. Lily hid her red face in James’s shoulder as their friend laughed obnoxiously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Marlene, you’ll never guess who is ruining your balcony with their depraved sinfulness,” Sirius called over his shoulder, while James groaned, pushing his nose into Lily’s hair to hide. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Guess we’ve run out of time,” Lily whispered into his ear.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nah, love,” James pulled away, grabbing his hands in hers and walking them backwards towards the balcony door Sirius had left open. “We’ve got forever.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They walked back in to loud cheers and whistles from their friends, which quickly woke Peter up and he immediately began to cough up the few tortilla chip bits Remus had successfully thrown at him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lily felt embarrassed for half a second before looking up at the extremely fit bloke holding her hand. Suddenly she quite felt like cheering as well. </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you so much for reading! Please review or find me on tumblr at jilytho &lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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